b & w present

[machinery]

you are the thought of the past that
causes the present
a tear that never fully comes undone
from the duct
always attached, ever & forever
you, the colorful tattoo of past,
now
plastered on my b & w present

streaming colors bring strong pains

you are what I see in the mirror
in the morning,
realizing I've
become another man,
a mutant to your touch, a dead poet still writing
letters addressed in your name.

nothing of you is sweet (anymore),
hard swallows & shallow waters,
because there are not enough of my
tears
to lose you in.

through the one year examination of your body
I became a man
&
now in your year of absolute absence,
which is a depressing cigarette,
I know nothing more of that man,
the man who used to wear
smiles,
but now is costumed in
hangovers.

all acceptance is lost in the whirring
weather of my
restlessness.

[Lunatic Fringe]

Wow. I love the clear inspiration behind this work. Like looking at a picture through a stained glass window. You can still see, but whoever crafted the window also shapes your vision. I'll admit I like your work better when things are comming or going in a clear direction, and this piece is definately a good example. And I really like the closing, very final.
"all acceptance is lost in the whirring
weather of my
restlessness."

[sarafina mable]

this is a very effective piece, i've read over it about 10 times so far and i keep picking up more emotions from the words
these are my favorite lines:

"you are what I see in the mirror
in the morning,
realizing I've
become another man,
a mutant to your touch, a dead poet still writing
letters addressed in your name"

i really love this, its so personal and revealing

[SHATOUSHKA]

ok... i have a few Qs.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">a mutant to your touch, a dead poet still writing
letters addressed in your name.</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

the last line confuses me. if i were to read
it literally, then i would be prompted to see
letters written to you by this person.
however, i am wondering if that is the case...
or if you are wanting to show the 'reader audience'
that you are 'still writing letters' TO this person. in which case, the use of the word 'IN'
should be changed. 'IN YOUR NAME' signifies
something written by the opposing person, not
yourself.
if that is what you mean, then coolies! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

what i DO like is the reassurance that the word
'PRESENT' doesn't mean 'GIFT' as i originally
thought when reading the thread title. i like how
you have incorporated that distinction within
the context of the poem itself:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">you, the colorful tattoo of past,
now
plastered on my b & w present</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

i especially like the line:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><table border="0" width="90%" bgcolor="#333333" cellspacing="1" cellpadding="0"><tr><td width="100%"><table border="0" width="100%" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" bgcolor="#FF9900"><tr><td width="100%" bgcolor="#DDDDDD"><font size=2 face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">through the one year examination of your body
I became a man</font></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></BLOCKQUOTE>

although i have no idea the EXACT context of
this line, the many things i can come up with
really makes for a great imagery...